October. Opening old wounds and healing.
““An abuser isn’t abusive 24/7. They usually demonstrate positive character traits most of the time. That’s what makes leaving so much more difficult.” - Miya Yamanouchi”
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. This month holds a special place in my heart. It’s hard to admit that I was once a vulnerable, and impressionable young woman, who submitted to someone who seemed to hate me more than love me. We had two beautiful children together, and at the time I believed that was the only good thing that came out of that marriage. But, now I know that was wrong, much better came out of that. I came out of that marriage; my voice came out of that marriage.
I was cut off from friendships, I had no one to confide in, and when I did it always got back to him. I learned quickly to trust no one, and to keep a poker face no matter the circumstance. Many days I would wake up and pull myself together after a horrible night, get the children ready, and go about my day as if I hadn’t been reduced to a pile of trash 12 hours prior. This was life, this was my life. I had chosen this, I felt as if I had to see it through.
Let me be the first to say that women stay for many different reasons. My reasoning was to prove the naysayers wrong, I was told he didn’t love me, and we wouldn’t make it, boy was I determined to make them eat those words. I didn’t stay for financial reasons, I didn’t need it, I didn’t stay for the children, I stayed for a selfish reason. I stayed because I didn’t want the world to know how weak I had become, and who he really was. I wanted to protect him most of all, his life hadn’t been a cake walk, I didn’t want to make it any harder. So, I took the short end of the stick from the age of 17 until 25.
I finally left when I was given a bruise I couldn’t hide or joke away anymore. My eye had been swollen shut, my hair had been pulled until I had swollen welts on my scalp, and my dignity was taken, when I had to run back to work from my lunch break and face my coworkers. They were so supportive that day, my boss handed me the phone and said call, or I will. I called and years of anxiety, panic attacks, and most of all healing began.
I say all of this for you to understand that, your life doesn’t begin or end with your abuser. You are someone and you have purpose. Your strength doesn’t come in the form of endurance of abuse, but rather your ability to say enough! Enough of the blood, tears, and pain Enough of the isolation, and enough of you and more of me.
There is help, when you are ready. There is help when you want to help a family member, friend, or coworker. Don’t judge them, don’t berate them, and don’t give them ultimatums. Just listen and offer resources.
If you need help or would like to offer help, below are some resources to start the process.
https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/it’s-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
